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Joke of the Day

DeletedUser36555

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Is, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"
"Yes, Senor Rod."
"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Rod."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"
"Your wife's, Senor Rod. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her with your new Kreighoff Limited Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special with the custom Wenig Exhibition Grade Stock."
SILENCE... LONG SILENCE...VERY LONG SILENCE.
"Ernesto, if you scratched that shotgun, you're in deep sh*t."
 

Dr. Smite

Active Member
Two cats were in a swimming race. One cat was called, "one, two, three," and the other was called, "un, deux trois." Why did the one, two, three cat win the race?

Because un, deux, trois, quatre cinq. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 in French)

Pronunciation (not exact, but close):
un= oon
deux= de
trois= trauh
quatre= kaat
cinq= senk
 

Captain Christian

Well-Known Member
I am listing to a medley of military anthems/hymns. You know, Army, Marine Corps, Chair Force, Navy, (Coast Guard should NOT count)? it gets to the Army anthem: The Army Goes Rolling Along, and instantly my mind conjures up the image of a soldier chasing after an old WWII Willys jeep as it rolls down a hill! ;)
 

Super Catanian

Well-Known Member
What weighs more, a pound of metal, or a pound of feathers?
The feathers, of course. When you pick up a pound of metal, it's just picking up a pound of metal. But when you pick up a pound of feathers, you also gotta carry in your conscience what you did to those poor birds.
 
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