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Big Marriage or Small Marriage?

Discussion in 'Debate Hall' started by mamboking053, Dec 10, 2018.

  1. mamboking053

    mamboking053 Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2018
    My friend plans on getting married...

    He showed me the ring he plans to get his wife. The price made my insides twist. He told me he wants to get her something good. I don't think I could have sat there and really dug in on how insane it was considering the situation, but...this was only the engagement ring. It was $5,000.

    For an engagement ring.

    Then he plans to have a wedding that will cost around $20,000. This is not including the ring or the honeymoon.

    I'm not poor or anything, but...The total amount of this expenditure seemed to be around $45,000 in all. He kept talking and I talked along, but in my head I couldn't get a grip on it. Why would someone spend so much money on such things? Is it impossible to have a nice wedding without spending thousands of dollars? I always envisioned if I got married that we would have our wedding in a park somewhere. We'd have the grills going and it would be like a big picnic, except it was a wedding. We'd be eating, dancing, playing, and I'd have some firecrackers at night. I was even thinking of maybe renting a horse just for the kicks, no pun.

    I don't think this would cost more than 5 or 6 thousand. All the rest of that money would go into making sure we had a good start as a married couple. I'm not sure if this is a "cheap" thing to do, but it was wild that someone could spend so much money.

    Am I the only one or does anyone else believe a cheaper- not necessarily smaller- wedding can be just as good or better?
     
  2. ODragon

    ODragon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2017
    No wedding.. or small wedding and use the extra they save for a down payment on the house.
     
    Graviton likes this.
  3. Stephen Longshanks

    Stephen Longshanks Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    May 8, 2015
    Unless you're a millionaire, $5000 for a ring is obscene. So is $20,000 for a wedding.
     
    plinker likes this.
  4. Graviton

    Graviton Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2015
    I don't have much of a problem with the cost of that ring, but no way I'm spending twenty large on a wedding. Have a small, intimate wedding and spend the dough on the reception and the honeymoon. Better yet is ODragon's suggestion: use it as a down payment on your first house.
     
  5. RazorbackPirate

    RazorbackPirate Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2018
    It sounds like the OP has their priorities straight. No party is worth $20,000, I don't care what the occasion, or what your income. The question I would have is why he feels it's necessary to spend that much on a wedding.

    Is your friend prone to buy and wear 'brand name'? Does he go fancy places and do cool things so he can pump up his social media? Does he lease a high end import while still living in an apartment or with his parents? If so, then you know your answer why.

    If it's what she wants and what he needs to do to close the deal, I would run. Run fast, far, far away.
     
  6. Graviton

    Graviton Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2015
    It might be, that's not a question that one can decide for somebody else. There are incomes that make twenty grand look like pocket change, in that case, why not?
     
    RaveWolf likes this.
  7. Ozyman Tremble Weaklings

    Ozyman Tremble Weaklings Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2017
    Worlds:
    East Nagash, Fel Dranghyr, Walstrand, Xyr, Yorkton
    Off topicish but slightly relevant, one of my neighbors growing up wanted to do an addition onto their house but found out that his pool would end up being 2.5 inches off center with the house afterwards, so he had the entire pool moved by 2.5 inches so that it would be symmetrical after the addition.
     
  8. lemonwedgie

    lemonwedgie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2012
    I cannot get my head around expenditure like that on a wedding either ... but I am not about to judge someone else for doing it. If thats what they want, then be happy for them, share their excitement ... and jump on their gift registry early as I would imagine they are the type to have an expensive one so the cheapest gifts will go first ;) lol
     
    RaveWolf likes this.
  9. RumpelstilzcheN

    RumpelstilzcheN Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2017
    There was a research study that showed the longevity of the marrage was inversely related to the cost of the wedding.
     
    cton2.forge likes this.
  10. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    This is one of the many reasons why I'm single. Weddings are very expensive.
    Wow, did you know how much it cost? Surely moving a pool is no cheap task.
     
  11. gutmeister

    gutmeister Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2017
    How many people are attending the wedding? 20k is tough to evaluate in a vacuum. Is it in an expensive city? i mean its kinda bs, but the expectation is something close to guests normally pay their meal costs as a gift back to couple, so its not like they're actually out 20k. but i do agree its not really "right" to expect ppl to up their gift size just cause the couple wants a fancy party. I live in a big, expensive city, and it's pretty tough to throw a 140 person wedding for less than 20k.
     
  12. Rowah

    Rowah New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2016
    I would not spend that on a wedding, but each person is different as to what or how they want to spend money. To each his own.
     
    RaveWolf likes this.
  13. HtebazilEAB

    HtebazilEAB Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2018
    I think this would depend somewhat on a few factors. 1. What does the future wife usually spend on jewelry? If they are accustomed to buying expensive jewelry with real gems or solid gold then $5,000 wouldn't be as large as it might otherwise seem. 2. What do the couple in question usually spend on parties or events? If they are doing a black-tie event with fashion designer clothes and are used to spending that kind of money then that probably doesn't seem like a lot for them.

    Personally I have worked at a wedding where the bride got a few family friends to volunteer in the kitchen and only spent about $500 for the food and some simple decor and it still looked really nice.
     
  14. Grettal

    Grettal New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2019
    Some men really like big parties and want the experience of a large wedding.
     
  15. plinker

    plinker Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2017
    Worlds:
    Dunarsund, Walstrand
    Well, being married to one woman for 0ver 40 years, I will tell you that the vows, love and trust in each other far outweighs the costs of a wedding. Look at how many movie stars and sports figures spend millions and the union lasts only a year or two. As for the cost in money, as long as it doesn't put a strain to pay for, whatever "floats your boat".
     
  16. freshmeboy

    freshmeboy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2017
    20K for a wedding...? Depending on what state you're in that's relatively cheap....will the in'laws be flown in...? Will they have a themed wedding that pertains to their lifestyle...? An open bar...? A designer wedding dress...? Gits for the wedding party...? Renting a hall for the reception...? A beautiful spot for the ceremony...? There are a hundred different factors that go into any wedding but one truism that I have heard throughout the years...It's HER day. The expense may sound frivolous to you but I'll bet they actually budgeted that wedding and still came in at the low price of 20K. My wife's wedding ring cost 5K back in the early 80's so the ring doesn't sound outrageous either. Hell, twice yearly, I throw a giant BBQ for family and friends that runs about 1500 bucks per party...Is that frivolous...? Hell, no I'm feeding 50+ people and running the whole shebang through my backyard..and I don't need to drape a 3K dress on my lady to hit the grill..It's a matter of perspective..one day a special lady may come into your life and that perspective may change....
     
    plinker likes this.
  17. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    Or maybe have the weddings on a boat and live in a houseboat, although that might be more likely if you live in southern India. ;)
     
    plinker likes this.
  18. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    Yes, budgeting the costs is the most important part.
    For instance, during wedding parties (or any kind of social reunions for that matter) that I've been to, the newly weds put some guests in charge of making large amounts of food. Nothing to extravagant either; tubs of rice, mashed potatoes, chicken, etc.; all in a party hall that the bride and groom rent. This reduces the cost for the couple.
    I've seen weddings done in their own houses, no lie, since I guess some people really want to save up money so as not to rent another building. They, of course, bought the proper clothes for this; they're not cheapskates, either.
     
    B1ackWo1f likes this.
  19. cton2.forge

    cton2.forge Active Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2018
    Mine was 50 bucks (thank you judge!) before I flew out for a deployment. So... about 70 bucks when you toss in the case of Corona she wanted. I did spring about a grand for a decent ring though it mighta been a little less. Just me and her. The family was a little upset but if they love ya they get over it.

    10 years in and counting I think it was worth it but if you wanna spend 50 thousand clams on a 4 hour event make sure you put me on the invite list. Just about every true wedding I have attended inevitably results in disaster. I think your picnic/potluck idea is best. Weddings are insanity, especially today when the current figure states 40-50% end in divorce. Save the cash! Kill a pig and roast it and have some fun instead of working for 3 years to pay off what might not last as long as the debt!

    I am a cheapskate!
     
  20. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    Yes; I would probably be that type of person. After all, someone's got to bring home the bacon! :p

    Cheapskate, not a minimalist! :eek:
    NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :(
     

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