A plane crashes on the tri-border between Germany, The Netherlands and Belgium. The plane originated in Poland and was flying to Canada. A Swedish criminal using a fake passport made in Ireland boarded the plane, and part of the way into the flight, while being intoxicated from Mexican tequila and Russian vodka threatens the people with a brick manufactured in the UK by a French company and a Brazilian gun and knocked out the Swiss pilot and Turkish copilot, thus leading to the plane crash. Which country takes care of the incident? The US. We think we're allowed to meddle in other's business.
Two recently-deceased women approach the pearly gates.
"How'd you die?" one asks the other.
"I froze to death. Locked in a freezer. How about you?"
"I was certain my husband was cheating on me so I left work early and went home to catch him. He was just sitting on the couch, so I turned that house upside down trying to find a hidden lover. I ended up dying of a heart attack from the stress."
The second woman replies, "I wish you'd looked in the freezer, maybe we'd both still be alive."
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Justin Trudeau all die and wind up in Hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it’s for calling back to Earth.
So Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the Devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.
Next Donald Trump calls the U.S. and talks for 30 minutes. When he’s finished the Devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Trump writes him a cheque.
Finally Trudeau has his turn and calls Canada for 4 hours. When he’s finished, the Devil informs him that there would be ‘No Charge’ and to feel free to call Canada anytime.
Putin and Trump go ballistic and ask the Devil why Trudeau got to call Canada for free. The Devil replied,
” Since Justin Trudeau became Prime Minister of Canada, the country has gone to Hell, so it’s a local call!
this isn't really a joke, but try brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand. it will feel really awkward. Now imagine that this was what it was like when you brushed your teeth for the very first time.
If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie Up, he won't give it to you, 'cause he's never gonna give you up. But he'd be letting you down, which would mean he is telling a lie, and possibly making you cry and hurting you. You two probably aren't going to stay together forever, so he'll say goodbye, run around, and desert you.
"Oh great wiseman, how do we rid ourselves of the pandemic that plagues us?"
"We must read more. Not your facebook news feed, but good books that inform and enlighten. And pay for local journalism. Because if you don't, it will go away. And strive to be informed. Actually informed, instead of only seeking information that only conforms to your worldview."
"And this will end COVID-19?"
"COVID-19? I thought we were talking about stupidity."