KingJMobile
Active Member
If you are ever feeling under the weather, just get over it. But if you are ever feeling over the moon, get back down to Earth right now.
-
We are looking for you! Always wanted to join our Supporting Team? We are looking for enthusiastic moderators!
Take a look at our recruitement page for more information and how you can apply:
Cheekywench777
New Member
Why dont seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels
RazorbackPirate
Well-Known Member
RazorbackPirate
Well-Known Member
Johnny B. Goode
Well-Known Member
Why do I get the feeling that this is another politically-motivated "joke"? Oh, yeah, 'cause that's what most of your "jokes" are.
RazorbackPirate
Well-Known Member
I have no idea what you're on about. I find white squares with black lines hilarious. Don't you?
Why do you think everything is political? Quit projecting.
Why do you think everything is political? Quit projecting.
Johnny B. Goode
Well-Known Member
Timing, my friend. Timing is everything. And you know I'm not projecting. I've learned to keep my politics out of the Forum, maybe you should learn to do the same.
spartacus2.0
Well-Known Member
If I get a nickel every time someone on this forum says something not-so-nice, I'd be richer than Elon Musk
RazorbackPirate
Well-Known Member
Good comedy is always about timing. What's that got to do with anything?
Ladies and gentleman, give it up for the Karen in the back!
Last edited:
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Come on guys.. back to the jokes!
- If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep, unlike the screaming passengers in his car.
- Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.
- What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”
- A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it.
- Insect puns bug me.
- My leaf blower doesn’t work. It sucks.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Praetorius
Well-Known Member
It's his only way of coping with reality not fitting his deranged worldview. He actually tried to use a movie made by a mentally deficient criminal as evidence for Don the Con getting cheated out of the election.Why do I get the feeling that this is another politically-motivated "joke"? Oh, yeah, 'cause that's what most of your "jokes" are.
Praetorius
Well-Known Member
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
After the test fiasco, we all need a good laugh eh?
1. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)
2. What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
3. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
5. Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it.
6. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!
7. Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
8. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
9. What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business.
10. Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.
1. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)
2. What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
3. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
5. Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it.
6. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!
7. Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
8. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
9. What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business.
10. Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.
Saphira the Red
Member
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- None, that’s a hardware issue.
How many Real Men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- None, real men aren’t afraid of the dark.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- None, that’s what husbands are for.
- One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- None, that’s a hardware issue.
How many Real Men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- None, real men aren’t afraid of the dark.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- None, that’s what husbands are for.
Last edited:
Praetorius
Well-Known Member
I've got this problem where I can't stop telling airport jokes. My doctor says it's terminal. I really hopes this joke takes off and doesn't fly over your head otherwise it would just be plane awful.
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
Dr. Smite
Active Member
A man was at a job interview. The interviewer said, "We want to see how well you can perform under pressure." The man took out his phone and said, "Here's a video of me doing just that." The interviewer was surprised but was nonetheless intrigued. He played the video, but the interviewer paused it after watching for about six seconds. "What's wrong," said the man being interviewed. The interviewer replied, "Unfortunately for you, I can tell that this was you performing Ice Ice Baby."
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than children because they:
- Eat less.
- Usually come when called.
- Are easier to train.
- Don't ask for money all the time.
- Don't drink or smoke.
- Don't hang out with friends who use drugs.
- Never ask to drive the car.
- Don't have to have the latest fashions.
- Don't want to wear your clothes.
- Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
- If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
Praetorius
Well-Known Member
@Techsupport. The NPC "RazorbackPirate" needs an AI patch. It keeps making obnoxious and pointless political remarks in what happens to be a joke thread. Thanks.