RazorbackPirate
Well-Known Member
Says the NPC himself. There's nothing political about the statement, it's only your interpretation of it that makes it so. What is a joke to some, may be an offense to others. Comedy works like that.
Grow up.
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Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Funny Phyllis Diller One Liners
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her right breast. It turned out to be a trick knee.
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
If you ever see three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
I'm glad that beauty is only skin deep. Otherwise, I'd be rotten to the core.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
They say that housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
Be nice to your children because they will be the ones who will choose your rest home.
The reason there are no women football leagues is that 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Photos of me don't do me justice. They just look like me.
The best way to get rid of kitchen odors is to eat out.
Robert Redford once asked me out. I was in his room.
I have so little money in my bank account that my scenic checks show a ghetto.
My cooking is so bad that my kids thought Thanksgiving was in memory of Pearl Harbor.
You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still at home is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
I asked the waiter if the milk was fresh. He said, "Lady, three hours ago it was grass."
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
No matter what you look like, marry a man your own age. Then as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
If it weren't for baseball, most kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
When the pro tells you to keep your head down, the real reason is so you can't see him laughing at you.
Tranquilizers only work if you follow the instructions on the bottle - keep away from children.
(bio on phyllis diller)
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
1. Why did the cats ask for a drum set? They wanted to make some mewsic!
2. What's a cat's favorite TV show?Claw and Order.
3. How did the Mom Cat know she was pregnant? Her test was pawsitive.
4. What normally happens when kitties go on a first date? They hiss.
5. What's a cat's favorite cereal? Mice crispies.
6. What color do kittens love the most? Purrple.
7. What does the cat say after making a joke? "Just kitten!"
8. When cats need to go to the airport, who do they call? A tabby.
9. Why did the cat have to go to an accountant? They got caught up in a purramid scheme.
10. What made the cat upgrade his phone? He wanted to finally get pawtrait mode.
2. What's a cat's favorite TV show?Claw and Order.
3. How did the Mom Cat know she was pregnant? Her test was pawsitive.
4. What normally happens when kitties go on a first date? They hiss.
5. What's a cat's favorite cereal? Mice crispies.
6. What color do kittens love the most? Purrple.
7. What does the cat say after making a joke? "Just kitten!"
8. When cats need to go to the airport, who do they call? A tabby.
9. Why did the cat have to go to an accountant? They got caught up in a purramid scheme.
10. What made the cat upgrade his phone? He wanted to finally get pawtrait mode.
SomePlayer5000
Active Member
These are just yo mama jokes Inno. plz no ban.
1. yo mama so lazy she keeps playing FOE all day instead of working or taking a break to eat any 3 meals.
2. yo mama not very bright she thought having a army with many Rogues and no tactics can win any battle.
3. yo mama dosent look very good so everytime she tries to negotiate with 5 different NPCs no matter which thing they choose to negotiate with they always say "incorrect"
1. yo mama so lazy she keeps playing FOE all day instead of working or taking a break to eat any 3 meals.
2. yo mama not very bright she thought having a army with many Rogues and no tactics can win any battle.
3. yo mama dosent look very good so everytime she tries to negotiate with 5 different NPCs no matter which thing they choose to negotiate with they always say "incorrect"
Praetorius
Well-Known Member
Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
They always take things literally.
Avatar of Prometheus
New Member
My beautiful Great Building: Color Guard Camp
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Clean Joke About The Couple’s Argument
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?” She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.
Funniest Clean Joke Of The Day
A thief stuck a pistol in the man’s ribs and said: “Give me your money.”The man replied: “You can’t do this. I’m a congressman.”
The thief replied: “In that case, give me my money.”
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What is the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs think, “Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so they must be Gods. Cats think, “Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so I must be God.”
While a little boy was away at school, his cat died. Worried about how he would take the news, his mother tried to console him and said: “Don’t worry, Tommy. Captain Thunder is in heaven with God now.” The boy replied: “What would God do with a dead cat?”
Saphira the Red
Member
I’m going to stop playing FOE forever because Inno has ruined the game with all their changes.
Just kidding, I’ll see y’all tomorrow.
Just kidding, I’ll see y’all tomorrow.
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Some puns...
The speed of light
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Unemployment
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
Split personality
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
How to get holy water
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
Glass coffins
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen
Karma lessons
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve
The speed of light
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Unemployment
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
Split personality
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
How to get holy water
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
Glass coffins
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen
Karma lessons
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
More punny funs.. i mean funny puns
- Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.
- The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.
- On the surface of things, whales are always blowing it.
- The marine biology seminars weren't created for entertainment, but for educational porpoises.
- The fish are getting annoying with their octopus neighbor. He tentacles late at night.
- The tuna married the swordfish because he was such a catch.
- Marine mammals are simply otter this world.
- Crustaceans only think of themselves. They're so shellfish.
- This reef is the strongest part of the ocean because it has so many mussels.
- I can't tell if this fish is lying; she's being so koi.
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Few more punnies
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
I went to buy some camouflage pants but couldn’t find any
I failed math so many times at school that I can’t even count.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
I wasn’t able to make reservations at the library – they’re completely booked.
My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
Be kind to dentists – they have fillings too.
If you know any good fish jokes, let minnow.
Excuse the bold type...its fault of the copy pasting
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Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.
The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible." "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.
The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible." "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.
15+15 is thirty but 16+16 is thirty too
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What's the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing.
A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."
You can make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water
15+15 is thirty but 16+16 is thirty too
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What's the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing.
A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."
You can make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me.
The road to success is always under construction.
God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.
The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".
The road to success is always under construction.
God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.
The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.
I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly... I'm not a fan.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
I went into the bookshop and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She asked: "Hardback?" and I replied "Yeah, and little heads."
It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.
I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly... I'm not a fan.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
I went into the bookshop and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She asked: "Hardback?" and I replied "Yeah, and little heads."
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do
I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford
I got gas for $1.39 today. Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat
I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford
I got gas for $1.39 today. Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat
Oswyn the noble
Well-Known Member
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that...
Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box
My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Patient: 0mg!
I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected
Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box
My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Patient: 0mg!
I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected