Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Game Room' started by apebble, May 28, 2012.

  1. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    I asked my atheist friend why he joined a charity. He told me it was because it was a non-prophet organization.
     
    plinker, TrinkOne, Airlyn and 2 others like this.
  2. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Relationships are a lot like algebra. You always look at your X and try to figure out Y.
     
  3. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Chemically speaking, alcohol IS a solution.
     
  4. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    What's it called when you adopt a premise that can never be falsified, even in the face of flatly contradictory evidence?

    Journalism.
     
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  5. Airlyn

    Airlyn Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2017
    hahahaha, that was funny!!!! :) :)
     
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  6. YANKSBEST027

    YANKSBEST027 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2017
    A man was married to Lorraine but was in love with another woman named clearly. His wife passed away and he was seen leaving the funeral with a big smile while singing "I can see clearly now lorraine is gone.

    Hhint, the real song was "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" by Johny Cash - great song.
     
  7. Stephen Longshanks

    Stephen Longshanks Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2015
    That song was by Johnny Nash, not Johnny Cash.
     
  8. freshmeboy

    freshmeboy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2017
    Cash, Nash or Grass....nobody rides for free.....
     
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  9. freshmeboy

    freshmeboy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2017
    Holy Smokes...I just realized that old turnip must make me look a bazillion years old.....
     
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  10. tescomike

    tescomike New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2018
    I thought the other woman was called Dierdre
     
  11. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Why did the shopkeeper not allow zombies at his store?

    He had a strict no-return policy.
     
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  12. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Doctor: "The check you gave me for my bill came back."

    Patient: "So did my arthritis."
     
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  13. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    A person rarely makes the same mistake twice. Usually, it's three times or more.
     
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  14. Ozyman Tremble Weaklings

    Ozyman Tremble Weaklings Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2017
    A husband and wife go to the hospital, the wife is pregnant and entering into labor. Their doctor tells them of a new machine that the hospital has that will transfer a percentage of the mother's labor pains to the father to help make the delivery easier. The husband and wife both agree to try it out and they get ready for birth. The doctor turns on the machine and explains to the husband that this will likely be the most intense pain he has ever experienced in his life so he's going to start him off at a low percentage, 20%, and see how it goes from there. About 30 minutes go by and the husband tells the doctor that he's barely feeling anything and that he should go ahead and crank it up a few notches. The doctor is a bit perplexed by the husband's pain tolerance, but goes ahead and cranks it up to 50% for the rest of the labor. A few hours later everything is finished up and the husband starts bragging about how high his pain tolerance must be due to not feeling much, if any pain during the labor.

    Later on that night, the husband heads home to take a quick shower and grab some things to bring back to the hospital for his wife. He pulls into his driveway, walks up to the front door, and sees the mailman dead on the front porch.
     
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  15. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    "I've invented a new computer that's almost human."

    "Can it think for itself?"

    "No, but when it makes a mistake it blames it on other computers."
     
  16. Agent327

    Agent327 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2018
    A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''

    The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

    ''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

    The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''

    The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''

    ''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''

    ''Yeah, he's my dad.''

    ''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''

    The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''

    The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''

    ''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''

    The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''

    The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
     
  17. plinker

    plinker Forum Moderator Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2017
    My Bonnie peered into the gas tank, the height of the contents to see

    she struck a match and peered inward, oh bring back my Bonnie to me!
    Bring back, bring back, oh bring back mt Bonnie to me.
     
    Stephen Longshanks likes this.
  18. Ozyman Tremble Weaklings

    Ozyman Tremble Weaklings Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2017
    Why are Titanic themed parties always so awkward?
    They don't have any icebreakers.
     
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  19. plinker

    plinker Forum Moderator Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2017
    There was a young lady from O'Heath, who sat on a pair of false teeth. She sat up with a start and said "Oh bless my heart, I've bitten myself underneath."
     
  20. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    What is the best way to maintain a balanced diet?

    Keep a beer in each hand.
     
    freshmeboy and plinker like this.

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