Joke of the Day

Airlyn

Active Member
During my 20th year school reunion I got together with a couple of friends. As we rode around getting caught up on current events with each other I realized times had really changed....
First friend, how do you like my diamond ring? My husband bought it for me for our 5th wedding anniversary.
I reply, "That's nice."
Second friend, How do you like my mink coat? My husband bought it for me for our tenth anniversary.
My reply, "That's nice.
Third friend, How do you like my Jag? My husband bought it for me for our 15th anniversary.
I calmly reply, "Thats nice."
The dreaded question comes...
What did your husband do for you?
He sent me to finishing school.
Well, why did he send you to finishing school???
So I could learn to say, "That's nice, instead of kiss my ass bitch."
 

Praetorius

Well-Known Member
Two Irishmen looking for work saw a sign for Tree Fellers. Pat turned to Murphy and said... "If only Seamus were here, we could have gotten the job!"
 

Princess Freckles

New Member
During my 20th year school reunion I got together with a couple of friends. As we rode around getting caught up on current events with each other I realized times had really changed....
First friend, how do you like my diamond ring? My husband bought it for me for our 5th wedding anniversary.
I reply, "That's nice."
Second friend, How do you like my mink coat? My husband bought it for me for our tenth anniversary.
My reply, "That's nice.
Third friend, How do you like my Jag? My husband bought it for me for our 15th anniversary.
I calmly reply, "Thats nice."
The dreaded question comes...
What did your husband do for you?
He sent me to finishing school.
Well, why did he send you to finishing school???
So I could learn to say, "That's nice, instead of kiss my ass bitch."
That was so great and sooo appropriate for me!
 

purps99

Active Member
A rabbit walks into a bar and asks the bar tender, "What do you have to eat here?" the bar tender replied " We have various types of toasties". So the rabbit says "Can I have a pint and a cheese and ham toasty". The rabbit finishes his pint and toasty and walks out the bar.

The next day the same thing happens, this time the rabbit has a pint and a baked bean toasty.

On the third day the rabbit has a pint and a cheese and pickle toasty. He then goes to walk out but falls down dead on the floor with all 4 paws sticking in the air.

One customer says " what's wrong with him?" the bar tender replies "Looks like a bad case of mix-a-my-toasties". (Myxomatosis).
 

Ozyman Tremble Weaklings

Well-Known Member
Just learned I can get my phone to tell me dad jokes, and this is how it started off:

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is heavy animal and the other is a little lighter.
 
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