Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Game Room' started by apebble, May 28, 2012.

  1. Airlyn

    Airlyn Active Member

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    Nov 3, 2017
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    Kansas City, Mo
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    Yorkton
    During my 20th year school reunion I got together with a couple of friends. As we rode around getting caught up on current events with each other I realized times had really changed....
    First friend, how do you like my diamond ring? My husband bought it for me for our 5th wedding anniversary.
    I reply, "That's nice."
    Second friend, How do you like my mink coat? My husband bought it for me for our tenth anniversary.
    My reply, "That's nice.
    Third friend, How do you like my Jag? My husband bought it for me for our 15th anniversary.
    I calmly reply, "Thats nice."
    The dreaded question comes...
    What did your husband do for you?
    He sent me to finishing school.
    Well, why did he send you to finishing school???
    So I could learn to say, "That's nice, instead of kiss my ass bitch."
     
    Bobby McGee31353 and Graviton like this.
  2. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
    Worlds:
    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    The past, the present and the future all walked into a bar.

    It was tense.
     
    Stephen Longshanks likes this.
  3. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
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    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    I've decided to sell the vacuum. It's just collecting dust.
     
    Stephen Longshanks likes this.
  4. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
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    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    If the opposite of pro is con, does that mean the opposite of progress is Congress?
     
  5. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
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    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    I was banned from the airport last week. Apparently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun while boarding the plane.
     
  6. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
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    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam.”
     
  7. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
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    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    Be careful when you blindly follow the masses, sometimes the 'm' is silent.
     
  8. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
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    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    What ended in 2000?

    1999
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2018
  9. sloppyjoeslayer

    sloppyjoeslayer Well-Known Member

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    Just a recommendation but for jokes like that might be better to put the answer in a spoiler.
     
  10. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
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    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
     
    Bobby McGee31353 likes this.
  11. Agent327

    Agent327 Well-Known Member

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    Jan 22, 2018
    Didn't help. It didn't get any better.
     
  12. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
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    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog. It was a shitzu.
     
  13. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Worlds:
    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    Two Irishmen looking for work saw a sign for Tree Fellers. Pat turned to Murphy and said... "If only Seamus were here, we could have gotten the job!"
     
  14. commanderstinkfoot

    commanderstinkfoot Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2018
    Two men walked into a bar.
    The third guy ducked under it.
     
  15. Princess Freckles

    Princess Freckles New Member

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    Apr 20, 2018
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    Shippensburg, PA. USA
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    Vingrid
    That was so great and sooo appropriate for me!
     
  16. purps99

    purps99 Active Member

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    Apr 12, 2016
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    Male
    Location:
    Hereford, UK
    A rabbit walks into a bar and asks the bar tender, "What do you have to eat here?" the bar tender replied " We have various types of toasties". So the rabbit says "Can I have a pint and a cheese and ham toasty". The rabbit finishes his pint and toasty and walks out the bar.

    The next day the same thing happens, this time the rabbit has a pint and a baked bean toasty.

    On the third day the rabbit has a pint and a cheese and pickle toasty. He then goes to walk out but falls down dead on the floor with all 4 paws sticking in the air.

    One customer says " what's wrong with him?" the bar tender replies "Looks like a bad case of mix-a-my-toasties". (Myxomatosis).
     
  17. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Worlds:
    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    I childproofed my house, but the kids still get in.
     

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