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Discussion in 'Game Room' started by apebble, May 28, 2012.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
If the opposite of a Pro is a Con then the opposite of Progress is Congress
Nurse 1: Have you heard? The doctor's been suspended because he keeps yelling all people at the time.
Nurse 2: Really? Why was he yelling so much?
Nurse 1: He had his patience tested. It came back negative.
What do you call a steak that fell on the floor?
"Do you want to hear a ghost joke?"
"That's the spirit!"
What’s brown and sticky?
A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "Why on Earth do you need that?!" The little boy says, "Isn't that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn't get hard?"
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
A man rides into town on Saturday,stays 3 days, and leaves on Friday. How is that possible?
The horse's name is Friday..
Several years ago I was traveling through Turkey and decided to stop at an old flea market to see what kind of things they had available. I'm sorting through an old box when I come upon this dusty and dull lamp, wanting to see what it was made out of I started to polish it up when out pops a Genie. Immediately I blurt out two wishes, "I wish I had perfect recall memory and a bigger penis." Amused the Genie lets me know that unlike movies he can only grant one wish, unfortunately I don't remember what I wished for.
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.
Why is Princess Leia unhappy in her relationship?
Because Han shot first.
Doctor: How is the patient that swallowed ten quarters doing?
Nurse: Still no change.
What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last letters.
A man wakes up to screaming and loud banging on the door of the apartment next to his.
He goes into the hallway and sees a group of firemen trying to breach his neighbor's door with no effect. They're all kicking, pounding the lock with hammers, trying to pry them open with crowbars... The door is still shut. They explain to him the elderly resident hasn't been picking up his phone, so his relatives are worried.
The man asks the firemen to step aside. He stands in front of the door, butts hard with his head and the doors come flying off the hinges. He turns to the amazed firemen and says to them with a smirk "see guys, you gotta use your head, not your muscles!".
There were four cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None. They were all copycats.
To me 'Drink Responsibly' means don't spill it.