Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Game Room' started by apebble, May 28, 2012.

  1. RazorbackPirate

    RazorbackPirate Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2018
    And 'Alcohol Abuse' is when you do.
     
  2. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Dishes

    Dishes who?

    Dishes a terrible joke
     
    AcadiaAD42 and BlackSand the Sly like this.
  3. BlackSand the Sly

    BlackSand the Sly Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2018
    A group of engineers had gathered for a conference and decided to challenge each other. As part of the challenge the engineers of each class were charged with the task of justifying how God would most likely be their class of engineer.

    The mechanical engineers were quick to explain how God would be suited to their class. They explained how God would need to be proficient in mechanical engineering to make the body’s muscles, tendons, and joints work while remaining structurally sound.

    The electrical engineers were quick to interrupt and make the case that without the brain a nervous system the mechanical side would have no chance of working.

    Finally the civil engineers reluctantly made their case. They simply presented the idea that only a civil engineer would run a sewer main through a playground.

    .
     
    AcadiaAD42, UBERhelp1 and Praetorius like this.
  4. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    If olive oil is made from olives, then that means that baby oil is made of...
    :eek:
     
    Shy Pete likes this.
  5. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    A man's "I'll be home in 5 minutes" is the same as a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes".
     
    AcadiaAD42 and Shy Pete like this.
  6. foe999999

    foe999999 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2017
    Q: What's a Jewish dilemma?

    A: Free ham
     
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  7. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    Man, sometimes I want to post here, but I remember that a lot of the jokes that I know only make sense in Spanish. Oh, well.
    Anyways, here's a joke...

    What travels around the world, but stays in the corner?
    A stamp.
     
  8. UBERhelp1

    UBERhelp1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2018
    A woman has 5 cousins: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday What's the name of the fifth cousin?
    What's. The name of the fifth cousin is "what's." Reread the question! :p
     
  9. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    How many Mexicans does it take to build a...

    Oh, wow, they’re done already.
     
    B1ackWo1f likes this.
  10. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    How many anime characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Just one, but it takes between 6-10 episodes.
     
    Zatrikon likes this.
  11. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    So a man gets married to a girl and there’s a wedding and all that crap.
    Years later, they divorce, and the man marries a second time. There’s another wedding. Same guests arrive to said wedding. Everything is going smoothly.
    The groom’s best man decides to have a toast. He starts off by saying, “Welcome back, everyone!”
     
  12. RumpelstilzcheN

    RumpelstilzcheN Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2017
    how many times does it take to post here before winning something;
    one hundred trillion plus
     
  13. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    How do you make a strawberry shake?
    Put it in a blender. It will shake in horror, and become a shake at the same time.
     
  14. Shy Pete

    Shy Pete Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2019
    Every few weeks I go to my doctor's office to ask him why I keep shrinking.

    He keeps telling me to be a little patient.
     
  15. Oswyn the kind

    Oswyn the kind Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2019
    Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
    Student: "Meat!"
    Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
    Student: "Bacon!"
    Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
    Student: "Homework!"
     
  16. Oswyn the kind

    Oswyn the kind Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2019
    A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
     
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  17. Shy Pete

    Shy Pete Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2019
    I asked my dad if I could go skating on the lake.

    He told me, "wait until it gets warmer."

    [​IMG]
     
  18. Jern2017

    Jern2017 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2018
    An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

    "Yes"

    "Oui"

    "Sí"

    "Ja"
     
  19. Oswyn the kind

    Oswyn the kind Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2019
    What's Blonde and dead in a closet? The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995

    About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit ..."
     
  20. Oswyn the kind

    Oswyn the kind Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2019
    Dear Dogs and Cats,
    The dishes with the paw print belong to you and contain your food. The rest of the dishes belong to me and contain my food.

    Please note, if you put a paw print in the middle of my plate or food, that does not stake a claim for it. It is still mine. I also do not find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    NASCAR did not design the stairway. It is not a racetrack. Trying to beat me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me will not help you win because I will fall faster than you can run.

    A king-sized bed is the largest that is made. I cannot get anything bigger. I am sorry about this. Do not expect me to continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

    Dogs and cats are capable of curling into a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular next to each other and stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

    Sticking your tail out straight and hanging your tongue out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I manage to beat you there and get the door shut, it is not necessary to whine, meow, claw, try to turn to doorknob, or squeeze your paw under the door to try to pull it open. I have to exit through the same door I entered.

    Also, I have been using the bathroom for many years -- feline or canine attendance is not required.
     

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