Algona
Well-Known Member
Not quite sure how it happened but I'm on a list used by phone scammers.
I used to find this annoying but then I realized I was missing a golden opportunity to fu, err, I mean, screw with these bast, err, I mean, scoundrels.
I like asking them to speak up. " I'm having a tough time hearing you. Eh? Still can't quite hear you. How's that again?" Done right they wind up screaming in the phone. Then you ask them not to yell at you.
Invert it, whisper or mumble for a while. after a minute or two, talk really loud. Then go back to a whisper. Mixing this with asking them to speak up is golden.
"My wife handles that, hold on while I get her." Set the phone down and walk away.
Act drunk.
"This call has been forwarded for investigation.This call is being recorded and traced. I am Agent Trasker, FBI. "
Laugh, long and loud.
Cough a lot. Clear the phlegm from your throat. Loud wet shiffling. After each noise,, “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”
Ask them to spell something, repeat each letter back. “F” “U” “C”... you know the rest…
Ask a really irrelevant question like who they plan to vote for President, or if you should get your cat neutered, or what is their favorite color.
Take a whizz while talking to them. Hold the phone close, so they can hear every drop. Don't drop the phone in the toilet. Be sure to let them hear you flush.
"God you have a sexy voice..." Be careful with this one, apparently most scammers are phone pervs.
Answer in a kid's voice. Be REALLY careful with this one, apparently most scammers are really sick phone pervs.
The scammers are used to folk swearing at them, part of their perv thing I think. But swearing at them can relieve any tension you have. Cut loose with an unending stream of creative profanity. Blow off some steam.
For the fine folk who say My Computer has Notified Them It Has A Virus.I go along with the gag for a while, act like I am really concerned and cooperating. Ask questions that derail them, like how their day is going, or when was the last time they had a really good hamburger? (Almost all of these type calls are from people with a strong Indian accent. Responding with a phony Indian accent adds to the fun.) Eventually they will ask you to press the Win key on your keyboard. That's when I answer "I have a Mac" or "Oh, wait, I just remembered I don't own a PC."
For the ones notifying me of the Prize I Just Won, I take either of two tacks.
"'Wow! I won again! That's the third time this month! How much did I win and how do I claim my prize?" It's amazing how many of these dumbshi, err, I mean, dumbbells don't get it immediately. You can string them on for a long, long, time. Or,
"No thanks, I already won a prize." The reaction to that is priceless. Thanks to Monty Python for that one.
Let me know if you have any ideas on fun ways to handle phone scammers.
Good luck.
BTW for the land mail offers that come with those metered return envelopes, I like to stuff them full of junk mail and send them back. Make sure nothing with your name or addressed is enclosed. They have to pay the postage...
I used to find this annoying but then I realized I was missing a golden opportunity to fu, err, I mean, screw with these bast, err, I mean, scoundrels.
I like asking them to speak up. " I'm having a tough time hearing you. Eh? Still can't quite hear you. How's that again?" Done right they wind up screaming in the phone. Then you ask them not to yell at you.
Invert it, whisper or mumble for a while. after a minute or two, talk really loud. Then go back to a whisper. Mixing this with asking them to speak up is golden.
"My wife handles that, hold on while I get her." Set the phone down and walk away.
Act drunk.
"This call has been forwarded for investigation.This call is being recorded and traced. I am Agent Trasker, FBI. "
Laugh, long and loud.
Cough a lot. Clear the phlegm from your throat. Loud wet shiffling. After each noise,, “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”
Ask them to spell something, repeat each letter back. “F” “U” “C”... you know the rest…
Ask a really irrelevant question like who they plan to vote for President, or if you should get your cat neutered, or what is their favorite color.
Take a whizz while talking to them. Hold the phone close, so they can hear every drop. Don't drop the phone in the toilet. Be sure to let them hear you flush.
"God you have a sexy voice..." Be careful with this one, apparently most scammers are phone pervs.
Answer in a kid's voice. Be REALLY careful with this one, apparently most scammers are really sick phone pervs.
The scammers are used to folk swearing at them, part of their perv thing I think. But swearing at them can relieve any tension you have. Cut loose with an unending stream of creative profanity. Blow off some steam.
For the fine folk who say My Computer has Notified Them It Has A Virus.I go along with the gag for a while, act like I am really concerned and cooperating. Ask questions that derail them, like how their day is going, or when was the last time they had a really good hamburger? (Almost all of these type calls are from people with a strong Indian accent. Responding with a phony Indian accent adds to the fun.) Eventually they will ask you to press the Win key on your keyboard. That's when I answer "I have a Mac" or "Oh, wait, I just remembered I don't own a PC."
For the ones notifying me of the Prize I Just Won, I take either of two tacks.
"'Wow! I won again! That's the third time this month! How much did I win and how do I claim my prize?" It's amazing how many of these dumbshi, err, I mean, dumbbells don't get it immediately. You can string them on for a long, long, time. Or,
"No thanks, I already won a prize." The reaction to that is priceless. Thanks to Monty Python for that one.
Let me know if you have any ideas on fun ways to handle phone scammers.
Good luck.
BTW for the land mail offers that come with those metered return envelopes, I like to stuff them full of junk mail and send them back. Make sure nothing with your name or addressed is enclosed. They have to pay the postage...
