Yesterday was a bad day. Horrible, really. First, I lost the racquetball at the gym, then my shoe trees died, then this girl in my vegetarian cooking class said she knew me, but I had never seen herbivore.
When I got home, I planned on eating a birthday cake I had stolen from the office refrigerator. but I felt an inexplicable urge to open my front door. I did, and there, across the street, was the Imaginary Friend I'd always wanted! He was everything I was not: tall, athletic, charismatic, symmetrically featured, clean. And the best part? His name was Duke. Yeah; Duke. I waved at him, smiled, and began walking towards him. I called out, "Duke! It's me! Are we going to be best friends?" He raised his head and said "Whatever, freak." Then he turned and ran away.
So, I kinda need those diamonds.