Joke of the Day

Zatrikon

Active Member
And elderly man walks into a funeral home. "I'm here to make arrangements for my wife's burial."
The proprietor says, "But Mr. Johnson, don't you remember? Your wife died five years ago. We buried her for you then." Thinking that Mr. Johnson was going senile.
"Yes, I remember," replies Mr. Johnson. "But that was my first wife. This is for my second wife."
"Oh!" says the undertaker, "I didn't know you got married again! Congratulations!"
 

Praetorius

Well-Known Member
A newspaper mistakenly printed a lawyer's obituary. He threatened to sue. The next day, the paper printed, "We regret that the report of the attorney's death was in error."
 

yee yee boy

Active Member
Me: 2 blondes walking in the woods come across some tracks. One asks the other... what kind of tracks are these? There was a load roar and they both got run over by a train
Her: .....
Her: So... what kind of tracks were they?
the joke was about indians
 

yee yee boy

Active Member
the airplane is falling : captain:the airplane is going down once i jump count to three and jump then then count to 3 and pull ur parachute (captain jumps)Captain thinks: its taking a long time fot him to jump (he sees him jump) stuttering man is falling and taking a long time to pull the chute
Captain : pull ur dang chute (stuttering man falls past the captain) captain hears the man
stuttering man:T-t-t-two
 

yee yee boy

Active Member
a guy walks in a bar and bets the bar tender 3000 dollars he can piss allover the table and the and the guy who cleans it up will do it with a smile the bar tender tells him to go ahead so he pisses then the guy cleans it up while smiling man walks to the bar tender the bar tender pulls out his wallet and asks him how he did it the man says simple i bet him 1200 i could piss in the cup across the table and i lost.
 

yee yee boy

Active Member
i had a dream ,that one day, i ate a giant marshmallow ,and woke up , my pillow was gone
well i dont know what happened but i did i say i did fart feathers for a month
 

yee yee boy

Active Member
this man is in Texas he goes to a place to eat and asks for a small glass of water they bring him this great big glass of water the man says mam i said i wanted a small glass of water and she said it is a small glass everything is big in Texas then he orders a steak the same thing happens and she told him everything is big in Texas then he needs to use the bathroom and asks her where that is she says down the hall to the right but he goes down the hall and to the left witch is where the swiming pool is and he falls in and yells DONT FLUSH
 

yee yee boy

Active Member
how to kick a polar bear in the ice hole

#1 dig a hole in the ice
#2 hang a fish over the hole
#3 whan a polar bear stands near the hole kick him in the ice hole!
 
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HelenofBorg

Member
A man is walking his dog down a long dark street in the rain, suddenly he hears a banging noise behind him, he turns around and sees nothing, but his dog seems to be on edge. So, he picks up the pace and begins walking faster... then he hears the noise again, this time a lot closer. He turns around again, and there was this coffin following him. He screams and starts running for home, and the dog runs off completely freaked out.

Just in time, he locks the door, and barrackades it with his sofa. He turns to his wife and tells her to go hide upstairs, she does so, and he follows her. They both lock themselves into the bathroom, whilst listening to the coffin banging againt the door. They know that although the door is as secure as they can make it, it won't hold forever. After about half an hour, the coffin finally smashes its way inside, bangs it's way upstairs and into the bathroom.

Both husband and wife panic, he throws a towel at it and nothing happens, she throws a bar of soap at it and nothing happens, and then in desperation he reaches into the medicine cabinet and throws a bottle of linctus at it, then the coffin stopped.