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Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Game Room' started by apebble, May 28, 2012.

  1. Zatrikon

    Zatrikon Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2015
    And elderly man walks into a funeral home. "I'm here to make arrangements for my wife's burial."
    The proprietor says, "But Mr. Johnson, don't you remember? Your wife died five years ago. We buried her for you then." Thinking that Mr. Johnson was going senile.
    "Yes, I remember," replies Mr. Johnson. "But that was my first wife. This is for my second wife."
    "Oh!" says the undertaker, "I didn't know you got married again! Congratulations!"
     
  2. Praetorius

    Praetorius Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Worlds:
    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron. Help me look for it." The neutron asks, "Are you sure?" To which the proton replies, "I'm positive."
     
    Super Catanian likes this.
  3. Praetorius

    Praetorius Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Worlds:
    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    A newspaper mistakenly printed a lawyer's obituary. He threatened to sue. The next day, the paper printed, "We regret that the report of the attorney's death was in error."
     
    Super Catanian likes this.
  4. Stephen Longshanks

    Stephen Longshanks Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    May 8, 2015
    I was sitting in my office one day when a tall blonde walked by outside. I knew she was tall because my office is on the second floor.
     
    Super Catanian likes this.
  5. Praetorius

    Praetorius Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Worlds:
    Fel Dranghyr, Parkog
    Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
     
  6. Super Catanian

    Super Catanian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2018
    How do you tell someone that their breath stinks?

    "I'm bored. Let's drink some mouthwash."
     
    freshmeboy and yee yee boy like this.
  7. yee yee boy

    yee yee boy Active Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2019
    the joke was about indians
     
  8. yee yee boy

    yee yee boy Active Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2019
    in the original
     
  9. yee yee boy

    yee yee boy Active Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2019
    the airplane is falling : captain:the airplane is going down once i jump count to three and jump then then count to 3 and pull ur parachute (captain jumps)Captain thinks: its taking a long time fot him to jump (he sees him jump) stuttering man is falling and taking a long time to pull the chute
    Captain : pull ur dang chute (stuttering man falls past the captain) captain hears the man
    stuttering man:T-t-t-two
     
    Super Catanian likes this.
  10. 22prentwil

    22prentwil Active Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2019
    A blind man walks into a bar.
    And a table.
    And a chair.
     
    Super Catanian and Godly Luke like this.
  11. yee yee boy

    yee yee boy Active Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2019
    a guy walks in a bar and bets the bar tender 3000 dollars he can piss allover the table and the and the guy who cleans it up will do it with a smile the bar tender tells him to go ahead so he pisses then the guy cleans it up while smiling man walks to the bar tender the bar tender pulls out his wallet and asks him how he did it the man says simple i bet him 1200 i could piss in the cup across the table and i lost.
     
    Super Catanian likes this.
  12. yee yee boy

    yee yee boy Active Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2019
    i had a dream ,that one day, i ate a giant marshmallow ,and woke up , my pillow was gone
    well i dont know what happened but i did i say i did fart feathers for a month
     
    Prince Gideon likes this.
  13. yee yee boy

    yee yee boy Active Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2019
    this man is in Texas he goes to a place to eat and asks for a small glass of water they bring him this great big glass of water the man says mam i said i wanted a small glass of water and she said it is a small glass everything is big in Texas then he orders a steak the same thing happens and she told him everything is big in Texas then he needs to use the bathroom and asks her where that is she says down the hall to the right but he goes down the hall and to the left witch is where the swiming pool is and he falls in and yells DONT FLUSH
     
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  14. Prince Gideon

    Prince Gideon New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2019
    good one lol
     
    yee yee boy likes this.
  15. yee yee boy

    yee yee boy Active Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2019
    how to kick a polar bear in the ice hole

    #1 dig a hole in the ice
    #2 hang a fish over the hole
    #3 whan a polar bear stands near the hole kick him in the ice hole!
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2019
  16. HelenofBorg

    HelenofBorg New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2019
    A man is walking his dog down a long dark street in the rain, suddenly he hears a banging noise behind him, he turns around and sees nothing, but his dog seems to be on edge. So, he picks up the pace and begins walking faster... then he hears the noise again, this time a lot closer. He turns around again, and there was this coffin following him. He screams and starts running for home, and the dog runs off completely freaked out.

    Just in time, he locks the door, and barrackades it with his sofa. He turns to his wife and tells her to go hide upstairs, she does so, and he follows her. They both lock themselves into the bathroom, whilst listening to the coffin banging againt the door. They know that although the door is as secure as they can make it, it won't hold forever. After about half an hour, the coffin finally smashes its way inside, bangs it's way upstairs and into the bathroom.

    Both husband and wife panic, he throws a towel at it and nothing happens, she throws a bar of soap at it and nothing happens, and then in desperation he reaches into the medicine cabinet and throws a bottle of linctus at it, then the coffin stopped.
     
    Praetorius likes this.
  17. lannister the rich

    lannister the rich Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2019
    A newly wed couple is starting out on their honeymoon. This being the first time they’ve seen the other one naked, they are both quite excited.

    So, the man starts taking off his shoes and socks and reveals he has these terribly mangled toes. The wife says “Oh my God! What happened to your toes?”

    The man says, “Oh, I’ve got toelio.”
    “You mean polio?”, she says.
    “No, it’s like polio, but it only affects my toes”, he responded.

    So he keeps undressing and takes off his pants revealing these nasty, spotted knees. The wife shouts, “My goodness, what happened to your knees?!”

    The man says, “Sorry, I have kneesles, too”.
    “What? You mean measles?”, she says.
    “No, it’s like measles, but it only affects my knees”, he said.

    So, he keeps undressing until he gets to his underwear. Right as he removes his underwear, his wife shouts “oh my-, wait...don’t tell me. Small cox?”
     
    Super Catanian likes this.

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