Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Game Room' started by apebble, May 28, 2012.

  1. spnnr

    spnnr Member

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    A blind man and his dog walks into a bar and the blind man starts swinging hid dog around the barman says, "What are you doing?"
    A blind man replies, "Nothing I'm just looking around!!!!
     
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  2. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
    Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

    At the bottom.
     
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  3. spnnr

    spnnr Member

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    When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed.

    The accident was a Fender bender.
     
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  4. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
    Teacher: Where's your book?

    Student: At home.

    Teacher: And what is it doing there?

    Student: Having more fun than me.
     
  5. Lucifer1904

    Lucifer1904 Active Member

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    HELL
    A sandwich walks into a bar.
    Bartender: Sorry we don't serve food here.
     
  6. Lucifer1904

    Lucifer1904 Active Member

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    How many ants does it take to rent a house?

    Ten-Ants
     
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  7. Queen Cubberly

    Queen Cubberly Active Member

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    2 blondes were talking and one said "which do you think is closer, the moon or Florida?" The other blonde said, "Duh, the moon! You can't even see Florida from here!"
     
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  8. Lucifer1904

    Lucifer1904 Active Member

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    I feel offended. I am not that dumb thank you.
     
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  9. Queen Cubberly

    Queen Cubberly Active Member

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    Are you blonde? Actually, that's pretty clever for her to say ;)
     
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  10. Lucifer1904

    Lucifer1904 Active Member

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    Yes.
     
  11. Queen Cubberly

    Queen Cubberly Active Member

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    Cool
     
  12. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
    Teacher: Kids, what does the chicken give you?
    Class: Eggs!
    Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
    Class: Bacon!
    Teacher: Great! And what does the cow give you?
    Class: Homework!
     
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  13. Daisy the Benevolent

    Daisy the Benevolent Active Member

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    Brooklyn, NY...fuggedaboutit
    A piece of string walks into a bar, sits on a stool at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve string." The string again orders a drink and again the bartender tells him they don't serve string. Finally the string gets angry and asks the bartender why he won't serve him. The bartender yells back, "I told you! We don't serve string here. Aren't you a string??!!", to which the string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot!"
     
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  14. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

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    Jun 22, 2016
    March is an overspill for the foul weather February couldn't fit into its schedule.
     
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  15. Cassaundrea

    Cassaundrea Well-Known Member

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    Dec 11, 2013
    The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

    Surprise, surprise.

    It was an Apple.

    But with extremely limited memory.

    Just 1 byte.

    Then everything crashed.
     
  16. viperwolf ko

    viperwolf ko New Member

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    Jun 14, 2017
    I would tell y'all my series of unemployment jokes, but none of them work
     
  17. Darth Mole

    Darth Mole Active Member

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    May 1, 2017
    What's Brown and Sticky and found in the woods.



    A stick
     
  18. the nine magi

    the nine magi Member

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    CA
    A young man was driving home on the road to Dublin, when a car swerved into his lane and hit the side of his car. So he pulls over and watches as the car that hit him does the same. To his surprise an elderly priest in black robes, steps out of the car, barely able to stand up, begins to make his way over to the young man. The young man seeing this jumps out of his car, to let the priest know he was ok. The priest looks the young man over who is still shaking a bit from the accident and notes "you seem to be a bit shaken up lad." the young man agrees, as the priest pulls out a flask and offers the young man a drink. "Just to calm your nerves down a little lad." The young man says thank you as he takes a few sips, handing the flask back to the priest. Feeling a little better he watches the priest put the flask away and asks aren't you having a few sips too? to which the priest replies "Oh no lad, the police should be here momentarily...."
     
  19. the nine magi

    the nine magi Member

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    A very jealous husband comes home from work early one day, and hears giggling and noises coming from the upstairs bedroom. As the front door slams shut all the giggling from the upstairs bedroom suddenly stop followed by fast shuffling sounds and low whispers. Believing his wife is having an affair he runs up the stairs two at a time and bursts into the room screaming "where is he?" His wife calmly looks up at him "Who are you talking about honey?" as she continues to do her nails in their bed. You know who, he continues to scream like a madman, looking under the bed, in the closet, and anywhere else he could think of. Suddenly he hears a whimpering Help me cry coming from the balcony outside. As he steps out onto the balcony there he was the man his wife was having an affair with hiding, and barely hanging on to the balcony railings. Enraged at this point he begins to try a pry the hands loose from the balcony, failing he begins to kick and stomp on the poor fellows hands. after a good three minutes the man lets go and falls to the ground 6 stories below. To the utter shock and disbelief of the husband the man was still alive. so he grabs his wife's hope chest and tosses it over the the balcony at the man below. Suddenly he has a heart attack, from all this exertion, and finds himself in front of Saint Peter.

    So Saint Peter asks him what happened and the man replies you won't believe it I caught my wife having an affair, and after beating the guy who was hiding on the outside of the balcony I had a heart attack. St.Peter takes the notes down and Saint Peter opened the pearly gates and let the man into heaven. As a second man walks up exclaiming you won't believe the day I've had, Saint peter ask him to explain. So the man proceeds to tell his story, " i was washing windows on a high rise condo 10 stories up when the cable snapped loose. As I was plummeting to my death, and my life was flashing before my eyes, i managed to somehow grab a hold of a balcony railing. After hanging there for an hour a madman came out and began pummeling, kicking and stomping my hands screaming "I have you now" Unable to hang on further i fell the remaining six stories, but a lounge chair broke my fall and saved me. As I looked up to thank my lucky stars i was hit by a hope chest and here I am. Saint Peter opened the pearly gates and let the man into heaven, as he finishes his notes he can't help but laugh, as he sees a third man walking up. You won't believe this the man kept repeating ... Well the last two were pretty crazy said St.. Peter, try me it cannot be that bad, what brings you here? Well I was having an affair with a married woman, when the husband came home early, so i hid in the hope chest...
     
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  20. Praetorius

    Praetorius Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    I stood on the side of the road watching smoke billow out from the hood of my car. A passing motorist pulled up along side me and asked, "Your car break down?" To which I replied, "No. My car wanted to stop for a cigarette, so I pulled over."
     
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