Joke of the Day

[..Boudica..]

A Buddhist walked into a pizza parlor and said "make me one with everything."

 

[..Boudica..]

My friend is always rattling off obscure facts and useless information, then giving me the rundown about how smart he is.

Yesterday he told me how onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at him.

 

[Johnny B. Goode]

My friend could have survived with a transfusion. Unfortunately, we didn't know his blood type. I can still remember his last, encouraging words to us. "Be positive!"

 

[Black Sheba the Terror]

I've been waiting at this bar for my wife to pick me up for hours now. Just how long does it take to have a baby, anyway?

 

[spartacus2.0]

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

 

[Black Sheba the Terror]

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

 

[Black Sheba the Terror]

I get bitterly angry every time my cell phone dies...

My therapist suggested I need an outlet.

 

[spartacus2.0]

Savage level infinity

 

[RazorbackPirate]

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 7:30 after work.

As he walks in the door, his wife starts screaming, his friend just sits and listens.

"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas, and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home?

"Because he's thinking of getting married and I thought he should get a demo."

 

[Outlaw Dread]

Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.

 

[spartacus2.0]

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.

 

[Praetorius]

I used to be against being an organ donor.

Then I had a change of heart.

 

[Black Sheba the Terror]

Sandra grew frustrated with her department store clerk. Nothing the clerk provided was suitable.
Finally, Sandra said, "Can you find a smarter clerk to help me?"
Her clerk answered, "No. The smarter clerk saw you enter and went on break!"

 

[Black Sheba the Terror]

What did 50 Cent do when he got hungry? 58.

 

[Black Sheba the Terror]

"Mr. Price, I'll pay you $10 per hour to start, but in about three months, I'll raise you to $15 per hour. When can you start?"
"How about three months from now?"

 

[spartacus2.0]

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
So I gave him a glass of water.

 

[Black Sheba the Terror]

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
So I gave him a glass of water.

Good one!

 

[spartacus2.0]

Good one!

Thanks!

 

[spartacus2.0]

And the Lord said come forth and receive eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.

 

[spartacus2.0]

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.